yeaaaah yeah yeah

yeah i know i get it. dont bug me all the time. im telling you it'll push me away.

in OTHER news, recovering. need to learn to relax and chill. trust alot more. proverbs 3:5-6 right? my fav scripture. why cant i learn from my own sermons and faith helping? where am i goign now? if you leave now, where does that leave me? im selfish, selective, picky, and reatrded for being so. i dont understand why you still choose to hold my hand. i dont hold yours. im going through motions and doing the scene. im home alone and let go of your hand there. out in the sun and i need you again to protect me. be my umbrella. but i just put you away when i get home. why do i use you as an umbrella? keeping me dry and out of the helpful rays outside of this temporary place. but when i get back into the comfort i set for myself i all of a sudden dont need you. because im comfortable. why? why do i ack dumb awlays? why do i instigate and fight you always? im losing it, going insane. kindaaaa epic, getting harder, faith has to play in alot more. ergh, help me to stop guessing and prove you right. shouldnt i know you, and who you are. what you do and where youve been. i should know. help me to have faith a bit? i can do this by myself, but id get farther with you. and plus, youve always been there for me. you could do this without me, but you choose not to. you choose to believe you cant do this without me. good. i need you, you dont need me. but then again, youre alot more loving then i am. exactly why i need you. im trying hard then i need to, if i let you be let you, id be mad. but you know better for me. i should trust more. im leaking, broken, flawful, far from imperfect, even farther from perfect. but you love me anyways. you shouldnt, but you do.



runningggg on empty, refuel me. but first, lead me to a gas station.